Proven Practices, LLC

Support Staff

Chief Operating Officer

Miss Wynette joined Proven Practices in August 2006 at the age of six months. She is alert, persistent and smart – qualities respected in all good managers. As COO, and being the first staff member hired, Miss Wynette considers herself Proven Practices’ top dog. Her day-to-day activities include interrupting staff meetings, greeting visitors, acting bossy, and flaunting her seniority and status. She also serves as Training Manager, often using real-life situations to teach her colleagues the established staff hierarchy as determined by her. She is a skilled Time Management Specialist, unyielding in her efforts to keep the principals of Proven Practices on a rigid daily routine. When not working, she enjoys listening to the music of George Jones.

Director of Security

Tallulah joined Proven Practices as Director of Security in December 2006 at the age of four months. She is a natural for the job – lively, assertive, and courageous. Tallulah thoroughly screens all visitors to Proven Practices, using a highly sensitive sniff test, and keeps them under constant surveillance. She excels at perimeter patrol and mailman harassment. Chasing squirrels, rabbits, and neighboring cats from the company grounds is serious business for her. Daily, she reports to work excessively early, hoping to find an overnight intruder to root out. Tallulah never hesitates to use her strong vocals to warn of perceived danger. Her ardent interest in trashcans has qualified her to also serve as Recycling Officer. On weekends, Tallulah enjoys watching reruns of “Lifeboat.”

Chair, Entertainment Committee

Loretta Lynn was recruited to join the support staff of Proven Practices in March 2007 at the age of 18 months. She is pint-sized and high-energy.  She loves to have fun, show off and eat. She is creative in finding new ways to entertain and boost employee morale, making her the ideal committee chair. Loretta Lynn enjoys being part of a pack, which supports Proven Practices’ philosophy that good partnerships produce the best results. She regularly pesters the company’s COO and shows no respect, whatsoever, for that position. When not in committee meetings, she steals food, plays a lively game of catch, leads her colleagues in daily walks, and promotes “all things party.” Her favorite pastime is dancing to the music of Willie Nelson while chewing beef jerky.

Member, Apprenticeship Program

After a year-long search, in August 2009 Proven Practices selected four-month-old Yoda as the first member of its Apprenticeship Program. The offspring of Champion parents, he brought with him high expectations to someday serve the company in a leadership role. Alas, things are not going well. Yoda’s training in biological safety ended abruptly when he ripped much of Chapter 1 from the BMBL 5th Edition. He acted out during training in sanitation engineering by repeatedly unrolling the bathroom tissue. He was expelled from regulatory compliance training for violation of the OSHA Laboratory Standard, 29 CFR 1910 Subparts D and G: tripping hazards - digging holes in the company grounds; and excessive noise - he wouldn’t stop yelping. Yoda was booted from cyber security training for chewing on the computer cables. His stint studying employee relations was cut short for starting fights among the support staff. Training in crisis management was disastrous because he refuses to take direction. And, he dropped out of emergency response training because the sound of sirens frightens him. In light of Yoda’s career failures and foibles, Proven Practices has scheduled him to take the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Assessment. We remain minimally hopeful.

Yoda disrupts Dr. Barkley’s lecture,

“The History of Biosafety,” asking,

“Are you done yet?”